Taleea

Heya dear friends and watchers

I have something really important to talk about. Sorry in advance for the long read,

but it's time to share fairness with you as my loyal and appreciated readers:

As you may have noticed, Sans Comic TV has created a comic dub of my MENDERTale comic a while ago and released the first part of it on Wednesday, March 29th 2023, covering the prologue and first two chapters.

[Mendertale The Movie S1【 Undertale Comic Dub 】]

Today I would like to inform you that the channel will NOT continue the dub-work for my comic or release any more content in regard to this comic.

You will be able to read about the reasons, however I must kindly ask you to

READ THIS JOURNAL CAREFULLY and take a moment to think.

Please, do not see this as an attack towards Sans Comic TV in ANY WAY, because it's not intend to be one at all, nor to see this as motivation to develop a grudge about this because of the reasons explained below.

All I wish to do with this post is to inform you about it

and then to find some closure for myself,...

closing the chapter and to move on, so to speak.

So please understand that, if you feel angry, upset or concerned about this once you are done reading, you have the right to feel this way, but please do not take it out to any people whether involved or not. This can backfire at you and innocent people connected in the worst case and I really don’t want this.

So please, read carefully and remember that I am only stating facts about what happened and will try to not bring in my personal, emotional opinion here.

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Originally the comic was put onto a list on the SCTV-Discord-server which focused on comics with the potential for a comic-dub and with the option to people to vote for what they want to see. I was asked by one of the MODs if they could include MENDERTale there before it was put up the list for voting and possibly getting dubbed if it was selected, which also included the question if I would give my permission for a dub in the first place. So that means the approval and permission by my for a possible dub was always there and therefore no conflict in terms of a lack of communication in regard to said permission.

When the video was released, I didn’t even notice it at first, but a few hours later, which was very late in the evening (for my time-zone) already. Despite being tired I watched it with quite a lot of euphoria, because it was so very exciting to see the story and the characters finally being given voices. So I was, of course, overjoyed and really happy the next day.

However it all became very stale, very fast when I was informed that the comic would not be continued that very day. It really was a drop of mood, spiced with a good dose of confusion. You can say, I’ve learned about this “fact” roughly 24 hours after the video was up on YT. Therefore I’ve known about this for a while now. It took me a few days before I actually could fully process it and also I was trying to make contact with the creator/ host of the channel to seek out an explanation from him, after I have calmed down again.

The decision was made by the creator of the channel and him alone.

He’s the one responsible for making the important decisions in regard to the content and upload-schedule and simply how things are done in general. This also includes picking the comics for the dubs (in most cases and unless a comic is pitched to him, which then he still has to agree on to make a dub of it) editing the dubbed material, releasing, uploading and posting any new content and managing the channel on YT.

But as the “boss” of the channel he is also the one who is handling the financial matters, which includes paying the team that helps in the creation of the content, like for example, the voice-actors, which are hired for the comic/ story in question at the time.

As far as I’m aware and considering the information I was given, it is him alone to decide whether a comic is started and continued as a dub or not. The voice-actors or other team-members do not have the final word in this. They can state their opinion, but the final decision is his alone as head of the whole "company".

So what were the reasons there won’t be any more dubs of MENDERTale on this channel? There are multiple, actually…

The first reason is that my comic was not “overly attractive material”, because the creator saw no potential in the story, thanks to the comic being mostly done in black and white/ gray-scales. He saw no grand potential for it to strike high viewer-numbers and therefore to be a good source of income for the channel, which is the second and probably more important reason, because numbers ARE important in every business.

[If he also saw no potential in the story itself, I sadly can’t tell, because the man never spoke a single word with me. All the communication was done between people working with him in some way. Furthermore, there also was no response from him in any way, when I requested to talk about this decision and hear the reasons behind that decision from him.

I must say, that is something rather remarkable, actually… and sadly not in a good way...]

This is actually a very good reason to discontinue a project, because you simply need to make sure that you generate enough to keep your thing running, especially when you have to pay people who work for you to make it happen, as they are a big part of what ensures you to release good content if you have gained a certain reputation and large fan-base.

And since anything is based on numbers and the income they create, it is the creator’s responsibility to make sure it’s stable.

So this reason is a decent explanation and something I could have accepted without feeling so “deflated” about this all… That would have been,...

...IF it wasn’t for the conditions on HOW the dub

was released that struck me as quite strange.

A few things not only felt, but were majorly OFF…

...and, after a few talks and my personal experience from my job-life as a graphic and communication designer, who also has her fair share of experience in marketing, advertising, customer behavior and -service, I found a lot of these suspicions confirmed:

• The first thing I've noticed even before I watched the dub was the fact that the video was released as a 50-Minutes “movie”, which is VERY uncommon for a NEW series, when it starts on the channel. Normally it’s always the 10-minute episodes, which is also helping to keep a constant flow of content for the channel and allows people to give a new series a shot, when they’re uncertain if they like a story or not. So why release a “movie” when you start a new series like this in the first place? This was… very odd.

(MENDERTale does not have a lot of audience outside deviantart, but that was not really a determining factor. This could have counted for pretty much every new series, actually.)

• The second thing that felt a bit off, was that the video was released on a Wednesday, which IS the “worst” day for internet-traffic when you want to post something new or advertise a new “product”. It’s simply the day with the lowest “dynamic”; people usually check in on new things from Friday to Sunday the most, because they simply have the most time to do so. Therefore, if you release a 50-minute-thing on a day when not a lot of people are around or have the time to actually watch a larger video, especially a new series, it is expected that the numbers will not sky-rocket during the first two, three days. This fact that Wednesday is not a grand day for new releases is an established one and important to consider when you do advertising and plan out your marketing-strategy for something.

• The third point was that thanks to this long format and the unfortunate release-weekday, it made people hesitant to give this NEW comic instantly a try, which was not helping with the rise of the numbers at all, of course.

• The last thing was the fact that I was not contacted by the creator during the time of the production or after the release in any way. Despite the fact that I'm a member of the channel Discord-server and therefore reachable, there was no communication between him and me, as the comic’s creator. Also, as mentioned above, I have not gotten any reply at all from the creator of the channel until this very day. (And he was online several times and therefore able to see the notification.) Though I gave my approval to make dub of the comic, but I was confused by the lack of communication on his end nonetheless and still am.

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Because of these things mentioned above, there was the suspicion growing inside me that the creator actually never really intended to do a dub of MENDERTale. It was released in this large movie-format simply because the material was already dubbed.

It was there and he wanted to get it off his table.

Thing is... since the voice-actors need to be paid for their work, it’s very unlikely they would just simply start working on the speech-files without his consent.

There is no way this wasn’t approved by him at some point during the communication between him and the voice-actors.

However it is to speculate if he had actually taken a look at the comic before he approved it, before and during the time the voice-files were produced.

So I believe and this is really an assumption only, once he did take a look, he changed his mind about the production-intent, but at this point it was already too late and the voice-files were done. It is very likely that this led to the decision to get it off his shelf and over with but not to continue it even before the release of the dub, unless, MAYBE, the video would have struck an insane high view-number really fast, which was sadly unlikely to happen with the release-conditions mentioned above.

Therefore...

If you now consider the conditions of how it was released, you have to come to the conclusion that they weren’t fair at all.

The dub of MENDERTale NEVER HAD A FAIR CHANCE

to strike extremely high, beneficial view-numbers like this...

and certainly not during the first 24 hours…

=========================================

All these suspicions and ideas have been confirmed to me by a reliable source, so I have no reason not to believe it and I must admit: I felt disappointed and sad about this.

Once I’ve learned about this, it was a large blow to my emotional stability and motivation. It took me a week to make peace with myself about this.

I’m still recovering, but am overall okay now again, but the actual reason for my anger and being upset actually is a tiny, little detail I haven’t mentioned yet: The top-pinned comment on the video, done by the creator, is asking viewers if they want a part 2 .

This, now THIS is really what made me angry and disappointed the most!

If the dub for MENDERTale was never intended to be continued in the first place, why then give the viewers and therefore his “customers” hope for a second part? Why cause unnecessary frustration and disappointment in the fans and viewers in the end? If the fans are treated poorly for a while… how long will they bear with this until they have enough, throw in the towel and leave?

Honestly, this makes me feel genuinely sorry for the people involved…

…for all those viewers and fans of SCTV, who just happened to “meet” my AU this way,

because they never heard of it before…

…for those who were hoping and waiting for the comic-dub to happen…

…for the voice-actors, who put so much effort and work into it with their talents and may or may not have produced additional material already... (Sadly I can’t tell, nor will I ask, tbh)

…for you, who are my loyal readers…

…and lastly also a bit for myself, even if it's only the smallest part…

This is what actually motivated me to write this statement about the whole thing.

Some questions are still unanswered and some details I will not reveal, because I would need to be either speculative or judgmental about them and that’s something I want to avoid.

It has no place in this context anyway.

Also I like to say that this is something that could have happened to any comic-creator, really. It had to be me with my story in this case, so yeah, life simply happens. But you know...? Maybe this also was a good thing in the end…

Thing is, I tend to think, analyze and consider situations and the given details and facts first, before reaching a conclusion and also rarely act on impulse. I try to figure stuff out, gather information and try to understand the whole situation before making a decision to write a statement such as this or do something else related to this context… Plus, I'm not a teenager anymore, which helped a lot to simply remain cool and calm(er) about this episode and reflect on the perspectives of all the people involved.

I’m only very sorry that this one has to be centered around something that

actually should cause you to be happy and excited about as a comic-creator… :/

Anyway,...

Despite this all being a blow to my motivation for some time, I won't give up the work on my AU and MENDERTale, of course. All will remain as it is and the story will continue.

The reason why it’s taking me a while to get new comic-pages released simply has

something to do with way more complex backgrounds that are currently necessary to draw.

It simply takes much longer to get the pages done, is all. XD

Also I must say, in the end it was a GOOD THING I’ve learned about this whole issue this early on… because it would have most likely created a certain amount of self-pressure to get more comic-pages done sooner, which could have lowered the quality of the comic, which is a no-go for me.

So yes, under the line, it wasn’t such a bad turn of events in that regard… I only wished I would have been told this by the creator of Sans Comic TV directly. I mean, I would have not bitten his head off or something, metaphorically speaking... X'D

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But alright. This should be all for the time being, I guess.

Once again, please do not act on impulse about this all… I'm gladly answer your questions if you have any or simply have a talk about it in general, but as mentioned before: please keep it down, even if you may feel angry or upset about this whole thing.

For my personal emotional stability and physical well-being I ask you politely to keep it down, since I really not intend to cause any trouble for anybody with this.

Thank you for your time to read this and no worries about me: I am okay, I promise.

Time for the results of the 6th anniversary contest and once again the three +1 winners are chosen. ^v^/

Due to less contestants and entries the decision was a little easier but nonetheless there were once again so many creative posts and greatly expressed ideas.

Congratulations to the winners and thank you to all who have joined and participated.

The runner-ups will receive a Hyperbatch on their entries as a token of gratitude.

Here are all the participating contestants of this contest:

NatsuneNuko | xRaeLa-LPx | LunaDarkfox | TaramiNiru | MimiGalaxy5 | @SeverePrince | WorkingCreeper | MagicMushr00mWitch | Magi6

Thank you again to all of you.

===========================================================

For the judging I have considered these points:

> The overall idea,

> how it was explained,

> how it was creatively and visually expressed

> and if it possibly contained your own thoughts/ theories about MENDERTale as a story/ AU

The creative skill-level was not a winning-factor, btw.

Alright, let's reveal the winners then.

Congratulations to you four! Please contact me in a DA-note about your prizes.

=============================================================

==== WINNERs ==== | NatsuneNuko

[Nuko's entry shows that it can be the smallest details that makes you awwing over something. I mean, look at this: It's just adorable. Bergells has found a new friend while exploring. It's colorful and pretty it can fly in a funny way and it's tickling even. Such a funny little thing he met there. ]

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| @SeverePrince

[Thinking about Bergell as a pet and relate him to situations similar sure is something that's not too easy to do, so I was pleasantly surprised to see this entry done by SeverePrince. Also the connection about Bergell being a puppy with traits other young animals/ youngs have and display is well executed and cutely displayed. A baby would be curious, likes to play but also tires out, which then would result in a lot of naps... even in the most unique places and situations. XD Well done! ]

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| xFacade-LPx

[This is such a precious scene. A simple slice-of-life scene, but such a precious one. It that can indeed be a big adventure for a small and young puppy-blaster to just deliver something to his master. Simple for us, but huge for a young fella when you're still technically a baby. Facade has turned this scene into a lovely animatic with a cute style. Sometimes it doesn't need a lot to create something of great value. ] ------------------------------------ Congratulations, all of you! You all can select one of these prizes: ==== EACH OF THE 3 WINNERS CAN CHOOSE BETWEEN ==== - 1 Illustration with 1 character (half-or fullbody, depending on the request) and a detailed background, in an art-style of choice [Examples for BG: [[MENDERTale] - Thoughts ]

OR - A set of 3 stickers or emojis for your Discord-server. (Refs need to be provided) [Example: [MENDERTale] MT Fanserver Discord Emojis Batch2]

OR - A FAKE-/ Mock-logo that includes 1 full-colored version suitable for both light and dark backgrounds and 1 single-colored version version [Example: [COMMISSION] xFacade-LPx - MOCKLogo Tales upon us]

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==== THE SPECIAL PRIZE ==== for the most creative idea goes to

| LunaDarkfox

[Luna's entry ist a small scene with Bergell meeting Foxy and having a time of adventure, fun and mischief. This is very well executed and just so funny and adorable. The style is precious and the scene very well told. Just two new friends playing with one another. What else to you need to smile? This truly was a wonderful entry to behold and utmost creative to say the least. Awesome work!]

Your prize is 1 Illustration with 1 character (halfbody) and simple to semi-complex background

[Example for BG: MENDERTale - An oath to keep]

CONGRATULATIONS, everybody!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------- =============================================

THANK YOU SO MUCH

once again for your wonderful entries and

your support of MENDERTale.

Be sure there will be a new event coming in a while and I would be grateful if I can welcome you back to join in again.

Please take care and stay safe - Tal

The Art-Raffle is over and the winners are chosen thanks to the random number generator. Thank you all for your participation! ^v^/

You can find the winners as well at the attributes with the most votes below.

It will now be my task to draw these three designs, based on the results. So whether the winners will decide to choose the design as their prize or swap it for an art-work, you will still see those three Gasters coming to life during the near time.

Thank you again to all of you and let's see the results.

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=== THE PRIZES ===

EACH OF THE 3 WINNERS CAN CHOOSE BETWEEN EITHER....

- ...the finished custom Gaster-design for the tier they've won in, aka a full-colored fullbody-art in both front- and back-view on a simple background. The design will then belong to the winner and can be used for their own projects or AU.

OR

- ...they can exchange the custom-design-prize for an art-request, containing a full-body artwork of a character of choice with a semi-detailed background. (The Gaster designs will be made in any case, tho.)

[Example: MENDERTale B-day MenderG - To feel the wind again]

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==== WINNERs ====

Gaster design A - THE SHAMAN -

WINNER: SaurexHAS

ticket-number: A4

_____________________________________

Design-attributes that will be included in the design:

Healer (herbal/ alchemy) > 6 votes

Crystals (spirits, window to other words) > 5 votes

simple clothes > 4 votes

fur and feathers > 4 votes

=========================

Gaster design B - THE VOID-DWELLER -

WINNER: XenomorphicDragon

ticket-number: B7

_____________________________________

Design-attributes that will be included in the design:

suits/ lab coat > 5 votes

darkness > 4 votes

chains > 4 votes

amalgam/ goopy body > 4 votes

=========================

Gaster design C - THE DIVINE -

WINNER: NatsuneNuko

ticket-number: C10

_____________________________________

Design-attributes that will be included in the design:

white and gold > 5 votes

halo and aura > 5 votes

balance > 4 votes

creation and destruction (the two-sided) > 4 votes

==================================================================

Congratulations to the winners!

Please contact me in a DA-note about your prize and we talk about the details. Please do NOT use the DA-chat, thank you.

And once again a contest is over and the three +1 winners are chosen. ^v^/

This time it was really tricky for me to actually settle on the winners, because there were, again, so many creative posts, greatly expressed theories and ideas. Once again to all of you, THANK YOU SO MUCH for your wonderful entries and congratulations to the winner.

Here are all the contestants of this contest:

NatsuneNuko | brittninja | LunaDarkfox | xFacade-LPx | MimiGalaxy5

BunG01 | TaramiNiru | WorkingCreeper | littlerk1 | GamerorKatara

Y3llowHatMous3 | SignedOutSorry | MissCombine

All of you, whether you are among the winners or not, will receive a diamond-badge

on your entry as a small token of gratitude for your efforts.

Thank you again to all of you.

===========================================================

For the judging I have considered these points:

> The overall idea,

> how it was explained, was there anything added to the description to make it stand out or to add to it

> how it was creatively and visually expressed through the entry

> and if it possibly contained your own thoughts/ theories about MENDERTale as a story/ AU

The creative skill-level was not a winning-factor, btw.

Alright, let's reveal the winners then.

Congratulations to you four! Please contact me in a DA-note about your prizes.

=============================================================

==== WINNERs ==== | brittninja

[First we start of with Britt's entry, which is just amazingly executed and presented.

Despite it doesn't look like at first, but within this art you can find a lot of hidden messages and symbols;

- The blooming and flowing of the pedals in the constant change and movement,...

- the small sparrow that watches after the other birds leaving, undecided where it should follow or stay a while longer,...

- both characters standing on a path together, in the middle of all that is happening around them. They stand there together, yet facing the light in opposite directions, which is such a fitting detail for both Gaster's and Gen's personality and the current situation for both of them, whether this was intended or not. ^^

A great entry from you, Britt! Congratulations!]

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| LunaDarkfox

[Now we have the this very impressive entry done by LunaDarkfox, who not only too the time to draw this really massive artwork, but also combining this with the almost poem-like text, that would support each and every of the scene, giving it a constant flow as you read on.

She has been tackling the question what spring could mean to Mender!Gaster as a character and also draw connection to the other seasons and the meanings behind each of them.

Another thing that was really heartwarming was that Luna incorporated some of the key-scenes of the comic into her entry to give it a strong connection to the story and the characters involved. And this is something that needs to be given appreciation to, because it's not a very easy thing to do all the time. ^^

Kudos to you, Luna!]

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| TaramiNiru

[Tarami's art is a wonderful example. Not only brimming with details and just beautiful to look at, it also carries a heavy dose of symbolism that represents the changes Mender!Gaster went through when could finally leave the Underground and be with his sons and friends back at the surface and actually experiencing the seasons in general. Within this artwork, you not only have the wonderful transition of him leaving the dark of the Underground behind, but also being greeted by a kind soul in form of the small butterfly, (it's an old symbol for the soul). This represents Gen's and the sacrifice she made by donating a fragment of her own SOUL, so Mender!Gaster could actually leave the darkness and to be in the light of day again.

Also it is a very interesting detail, that Tarami has used flowers from different seasons in this art (at least in my region), which is a very nice touch as they stand for the constant change throughout the entire year, symbolizing that Gaster is indeed back in the regular time-flow and therefore part of the real world again.

Thank you so very much for your wonderful entry, Tarami! ] ------------------------------------ Congratulations, all of you!

==== You all can select one of these prizes: - 1 Illustration with up to 2 character max. (half-or fullbody, depending on the request), simple background and art-style of choice [Examples for BG: [OPEN COLLAB] NatsuneNuko - Voidbound Gaster | MENDERTale - R A I N (Practice)]

OR - 1 jar illustration with up to 2 chibified characters in a jar [Example: MENDERTale - Glasses2 Jar - The SkeleBros]

OR - A complete set of 3 versions of a FAKE/ Mock-logo that includes 1 full-colored version, 1 single-colored version and 1 duplex-coloured version [Example: [COMMISSION] Kamiika-Akiyo - Logo Compilation]

========================

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==== THE SPECIAL PRIZE ====

This prize is given to the best idea among the runner-ups and goes to

| Y3llowHatMous3

[Y3llowHatMous3's entry surprised me in a very positive way. Combining the prompt of the contest with an actual, real-life event was such a neat thing to do. The coming and passing of the green comet during February was a very special event for our world and it would certain be something the characters would be interested in to see and enjoy.

Also their entry is a nice example on how to combine drawn characters with an almost photo-realistic-like background to gives this its unique look and in a very pleasant way. Also I think the symbolism around the Bradford pear tree is wonderfully fitting, indeed!

Congratulations!]

Your prize is 1 Illustration with 1 character (halfbody) and simple to semi-complex background

[Example for BG: MENDERTale - An oath to keep]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------- =============================================

THANK YOU SO MUCH

once again for your wonderful entries and

your great support of MENDERTale.

Be sure there will be a new event coming in a while and I would be grateful if I can welcome you back to join in again.

Please take care and stay safe - Tal

Heya dear friends and watchers,

during the last week I had something like a small mental break-down, triggered by various factors and things happening around me for a while now. Though it was really only a small one and I'm already regaining me emotional stability, it still was a warning sign of my brain that I have to be more careful with and caring about myself.

The thing is that I'm in an age in which you reflect what you have achieved and how your current situation is. When I look at my skills (and not only in terms of art), my life and general goals actually reached in it and I compare this to those of others, especially those close around me (family, friends, colleagues...) it leaves me with a feeling of... inner conflict.

Under the line I'm asking myself why I seem to have to do so much work for a little bit of progress while others seems to have a gift to get to things/ get things done easier and also often, better.

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It's a sickening, self-poisoning thought and I also know it's not true and a mere and illusion, projected by my mind and emotions. In that regard, my brain is quite a stupid sponge and my hormones having a very questionable party... while I stand before the door, wondering why I wasn't invited and left riddled. :/

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It's not a "mid-life-crisis" I'm experiencing, though.

I know that the conditions of those people are partly, if not even completely different than my own. So you can't really compare the situations at all. Everybody has different lives and life-conditions and I know there are people who are off much worse than I am. No matter if it comes to work-load, health-, family- or income-related issues. I'm aware, I'm not in a bad situation... and I should be proud on what I WAS able to achieve in my life so far...

• I have only very few health-issues and those I have are not life-threatening,

• I can deal with most of my daily chores on my own,

• I have a job that I also kept through the times of the pandemic and beyond

(It's not ideal, but it's still what fills my fridge and pays my rent and bills so far),

• I have great, caring and supportive friends and watchers,

• I have my little AU, MENDERTale, which means a lot to me and which I will continue with all my heart and SOUL, (...despite being not the best artist at times, but that's also thanks to my sometimes very limited free time to do arts and practice).

However my personality is one of an INFJ, a person who is not only an idealist, who has an utterly strong urge for causing and experiencing fairness, balance and harmony and is also a hopeless planner. Planning and a bit of foresight about things, people and comming events gives me emotional stability, but with the current situation as it is overall, it’s not very predictable and this causes me to feel unsafe.

Plus the workload at my job is often very high with working under rather tight deadlines, which is often my major stress-source, because there are days I have to constantly pressuring myself to make it until the due time at the same day.

Another thing is that a lot of people in real life tend to tell me about their concerns and fears more than also telling me something nice for once. This doesn't really help to ease the pressure and negativity that's currently spreading through not only my country, but the whole world. I think it has all been piling up a bit too much for me... but I'm not sure this really is THE reason. It was the trigger/-s more likely.

We all have not the best or easiest times...

-----------------------------------------

The thing is... all these things are causing the stress and the fatigue to pile up constantly in me, which is emotionally grinding you down and make you more sensitive towards emotional swings, exhausting your "tolerance-battery" so to speak. You try to cope with all this nonetheless, because giving up is not an option and what good would it do to bury yourself in a hole somewhere? It won't make things better. But sadly... you simply can't take in everything all the time and hope it won't leave a dent... or cause to crack a leak.

Yet, I kept trying and I'm not likely to give up.

I mean, it seems much easier simply letting go and being miserable for a while, but that rarely helps, because it doesn't change the situation and lets other worry about you even more. However when you are already tired, things are getting harder to control and to cope with.

So maybe that's also why, but maybe I'm also too harsh on myself...

-----------------------------------------

I know I only have limited time for my art, but... I don't know how to say it... I see a lot of people around me surpassing my skills at this point. Or rather my improvement slows down more and more. Sure, I still improve, I still get better, but it's so slow and very often I takes much more time until I am happy with the results.

Don't get me wrong: I'm very happy for these people and my friends among them and even more so I'm proud and glad to be their friend. I'm always glad when I see new works by my friends and the new styles and techniques they try and I give them all the support I can muster. They deserve this for their hard work and I'm glad I can give them a little bit back for their efforts.

Their improvement and ideas is inspirational and inspiration is something we can consider every artist's fuel for their own ideas. After all learning art is a life-long progress and a lot comes from sharing inspiration and thoughts among one another and people supporting and giving constructive feedback.

Normally it's my nature to be kind and eager to help and support other people, but at the moment I feel like I don't know anymore where this can take me or if it will take me anywhere at all if I'm not being a little bit selfish for the sake of my mental well-being. I don't want people to feel sad, so I help and support them, even though sometimes there is nothing you can expect to be given back...

Personally, I don't even want any rewards or praise for what I do if it's not coming from the people on their own. Support and attention is something I feel like I need to earn through

the things I do and not because I asked for them... and I'm utterly grateful for the support

and attention I've been given so far. More than you know.

-----------------------------------------

However... I start to digress here.

The point is, all has been piling up to a state that left me unhappy and without a clear perspective or plan. I really need to make a change and refresh my mind/ my mind-set about how things are for me and then adapt with the best way for myself.

Will I take a break from DA and the arts here?

- No, because art and being around here is what gives me the most relaxation from the daily world and stress. I might be a bit more "silent" for a while, though.

Will I continue the work on my AU?

- Heck yes, of course I will! MENDERTale is a project I've started in order to keep my depressions down and my emotions stable and it worked amazingly so far. No, no. I won't give it up or even take a break. My AU simply means too much for me for this.

But... what I will do, is making a few changes to my gallery and my overall life. I will take some time to sort things, re-shuffle stuff, ease the chaos and give it a fresher look. Because of this, it can be that I may seem a bit distant or won't reply very fast for some time, simply concentrating on these things more, besides daily life routines.

In any case... I wanted to let you know what's currently on my mind and why. I know some of you have noticed and also started to worry. It will be fine in time again, I assure you.

I'm dealing with my depressions since my early teenage-hood and normally you wouldn't even notice I have any at all, because usually I have things well under control. It's really just the sum of the many factors and situations that caused this to happen.

It is a warning I won't ignore.

I promise, I will be better in a while, again. It's always getting better.

Thank you for your time, your attention and your support.

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I'm maybe not okay, but I won't give up!

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